So, when I left off, we had a huge, family destroying blow up. I own part of that, I know. But the kid really did seem hell bent on destroying our relationship, and, he did exactly that. Confession is good for the soul, and all that.
But now, we get to why I am really putting this all out there. I have seen the ÜberNanny, and I don't like it. I dunno, if
really had thrown the boy through my desk, I suppose someone should have stepped in. I didn't do that, however. And really, what business does the state have peeking over my shoulder as I parent? If my wife and I agree that I didn't step over the line, shouldn't they just stay the hell out of our business?
I took a state-ran parenting class a few years back. One of many things I have done over the years to try to make my influence over the children in my care a positive one. And I got a lot out of it, but I remember getting into it with the hand-wringing "MS in Psychology" over spanking. He said it only made children fear you. Not love or respect you. And it teaches them to use violence to solve problems.
This is when the first draft of the Norwood Unified Theorem of Parenting was presented. I asked, "You respect your boss right? But, he can fire you. Isn't at least a little of that respect actually fear? I mean fear and respect are used interchangeably in some literature." And some wringing of hand brought about something like..."It takes a subtle use of semantics to arrive at that."
And, do you think the mind of a child can make that subtle distinction? I don't. In fact, I think that a child's mind and emotions are far more primal than that. That they won't even begin to understand the subtleties of respect for years, and that in the mean time the world is dangerous, and fear is a powerful teaching tool. I think you shelter and control the child at the early ages. And as they develop, you introduce the subtleties of "cause and effect in good decision making" and "respecting people and property" and "societal norms vis a vis and The Social Contract" as they are able to understand. But you have to admit, at some point, all they understand is "something bad will happen when I do this". And when it comes to the stove, the fireplace and the street, I'd rather her be afraid.
In short, I love time outs. I love talking and reasoning with your kids. These should make up the vast majority of your discipline. But when they just won't stop running into the street, by God it is your damn
duty to see to it that they learn, and if that takes a swat on the tush, so be it.
So, you don't have to agree with me. I'm not evangelizing The Norwood Unified Theorem of Parenting. What I am saying though, that someone called BS on my position at some point, and they had the political clout to do something about it. And everyday, that swat on the tush that served us well for histories recorded and beyond, gets more illegal in this country. And, that would be fine with me, except, I look around and we don't seem to be producing better children. I'm not so foolish as to think things were moral and perfect in my grandparent's day. But it seems as if they were MORE moral and perfect than these days we live in. And, you know, my mother's spanking didn't scar me for life. I've known every day of my life my mother loves me.
Look, I think Britney Spears is about the most miserable excuse for a mother I have ever observed. But you can't tell me that some judge yanking those kids from their mother and all they have ever known was not
extremely damaging. We let the government into our families with good intentions. Stop child abuse, keep kids safe. But, the fact is, the government is really completely unsuited to the task.
Let me be clear for a second here. I don't anticipate EVER having to spank Katie. And I certainly would prefer it be that way. But, I think some children require a more physical approach, because it is all they can understand. At least for a season.
I believe with all that is in me what happened to my step son, is that before he could learn to understand respect, the government, through CPS, the police, and the court system, took aways the only disciplinary system his slowed development could understand when they forbade my wife and her ex-husband to use corporal punishment. Suddenly the kid had all the power. He could call CPS. And, I think it ruined him. A child should NEVER have the power. So, he never learned fear of doing wrong, thus, he never learned respect. And now he has trouble with parents and teachers and peers and cops. And it will take an ordained miracle of God for him to learn respect now, which is the basis of all healthy human relationships.
So, as always, I am open to instruction and correction on parenting. I want to be the best possible parent to Katie every single day. But, I don't think the government is qualified to speak to that issue. I'd rather hear from actual parents with actual kids. And, I think the government, in the form of CPS, the police, and the court system should only get involved in the most extreme of circumstances. It appears however, that their involvement is becoming all too frequent. And when a historically non-violent man is accused of abuse by a child with a history of lying, bad behavior and a couple of arrests under his belt. When said kid's mother and grand parents and pastors are all willing to swear in court that this man does not abuse this kid...
Give me the freakin' benefit of the doubt. I will NEVER have a perfect record again. That arrest will never go away. And that bothers me every day.
And the kicker is, they didn't do Him any favors by taking him out of our house. From what little comes our way these days, he is STILL getting into trouble at school.
What can I do? I gave it my best. I still hope and pray that grows into a good man.
I give him to God. "God can make a way, where there seems to be no way..."
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And now for a diaper change....
Brian
muse.platypionline.com
