Monday, March 05, 2007
They have classes for that?
I spent 6 hours of my last Saturday learning how to be a parent. Sort of.
I did a combo class at Kaiser Permenente of Breast feeding, Infant Care, and Delivery which included a tour of the delivery room and the semi private suite we get for a few hours.
Now, why do I need to learn about breast feeding? Well, it turns out there were lots of tips for how I can mimmic the procedure while bottle feeding to minimize the chance of confusion that the little girl will experience. I also feel much more confident after diapering and swaddling a teddy bear. Heck, now I can do anything!
And, I know my way around the maternity ward. Information I am sure to forget instantly as soon as she says something like "I think my water broke". I'll probably say something a lot like "She's having a baby! Where the hell do I go?" as soon as I enter. That's me, cool under fire. I'm thinking maybe I should call a cab rather than drive. Yeah, I'm that bad.
Anyway, next Saturday is Lamaze. Which I believe is either the French term for "Husband Torture" or Swahili for "I'm being set up". Either way, I've seen Bill Cosby: Himself, I know the score. I'll have my bottom lip pulled over my head before this is over.
That's enough for now,
Brian Norwood
muse.platypionline.com
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4 comments:
It's funny 'cause it's true!
Be advised, once you enter the maternity ward with a wife in delivery, you will be judged as completely irrelevant and unnecessary by Kaiser's staff, solely because you are male...
tony....we are irrelevant....because we're not having the baby.
monkey #4 is still in diapers...come on over and you can practice.....I get tired of it.
the #1 thing to learn is to let the baby get herself to sleep. I've spoiled #4 by sleeping with him. Thought it would get better after he got in a big boy bed, but it has already started
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